He was….

 

 

He loved me… once

ONCE all my heart needed and wanted and craved. I felt solitude in the fact that his heart once belonged to me… even for just a fleeting moment- I knew it was mine.

He was always the fickle type – he never let me know too much but always fed me just enough to keep me close to him, clinging onto him, just enough to keep me wanting more of him.

I hate him for this. I hated him…

I hate him for all that he was… but nothing that he is. I don’t know him anymore.

Nothing that I am… Nothing that I am without anything of him….

Ending life

Its hard to get away from life, easier to end life rather than face the agony, pain, sorrow or shame. Yes, all of us have to go through pain or sorrow @ some point of our life even the TATAs and BIRLAs have to face it. These are just a mile stone for us to grow using this. All failures are stepping stones to success. Someone, somewhere, knew that life isn’t about dying!!

I got a call from an old friend today!! She was crying when I picked up the call. I asked her what was the problem? She said that the guy she loved for more than 3 years has rejected her and married a rich girl. She was ashamed to face her parents since she was stubborn about marrying him all these years. She has been crying for the past one month, not going to office regularly or eating properly. All she could think about was DYING. She told me that she wanted to talk to me about this before she died. Little did she realize that I could get her out of it by the time the call was over. I thanked god for once for giving me the power of convincing her. It took me about 3 hours of talking. It was unbelievable how Love can change us. She was scared about the relationship which she had with him. They were intimate and sexually involved. I had to tell her that this was the end of everything. She was scared about her future and what would the husband think about her.. Obviously, all these thoughts clouded her like hell. Pavam. I pity her.. She was such a sensible person. So responsible about what she wanted to do in life yet when it came to love, she chose the wrong guy. I had to convince her that life has to go on. I made her promise that she wouldn’t try anything stupid again. I hope it doesn’t occur in her minds again.
In India, more than 1,00,000 people die due to suicide in a year which is a very sad thing.  Love, family pressure, loneliness, health issues, failures, loss, exams et all are some of the reason for people to suicide. Sneha, this is an NGO which is a suicide prevention helpline. It helps people to get out of these feeling of ending life. If these depressed people talk about their situation, they have 70% chance of getting out of the emotion. I volunteered once and I got a girl from a girl who was in her first year of college and she was devastated because some A** Hole harassed her sexually while travelling to a nearby place. Since that area was quite and no one around, he took advantage of her. Thank god, she dint get raped but she was very upset about it and this was killing her. No one to talk to. She could tell it to anyone. I cried while talking to her, so I gave the call to one of the seniors who handled her call and convinced her not to do anything stupid. When I still think about it, I start to get tears from my eyes. Its so bad, don’t you think. You can also volunteer to help bring life to another human. I did and I got the sense of satisfaction that none other activity in my life would give.
You can contact them through the website Sneha, or call up the number 044-2460050. Help bring back life.They are open 24hrs a day.

Akila's birthday

Today a friend of mine whom I don’t talk much these days  celebrated her birthday and she is 24 today. I want to first wish her. Akila, Happy birthday de. You are one of the few girl friends I had and I really liked you genuinely. So take care and wish you get all that you needed and stay happy. Thanks for everything. I really miss you very much and I wouldn’t also forget you for things you have done to separate each one of us who meant so  much to me. There is a negative side to everybody and remember you are not perfect. Whatever happens, I never want you to be sad and take care of my friends who still believe you are perfect.  I never meant to ignore you but still my guilt feeling kicks me at the spot saying that I should have wished you today. I know its never too late but I think you were not worth it. Take care. All the best for your life.

A friend who betrayed me

My dearest and oldest friend,
you have put our friendship to an end.
It is you that I depended on,
what did I do that now you are gone?
In your bad times, I've helped you,
I thought my friendship grew.
I believed you, but you broke my trust.
For you, I'm mixed along with the dust.
When I really needed you to help me,
just to do a favor, you didn't agree.
For that, I've lost something great.
You have closed the friendship's gate.
When we meet each other, we ignore.
For each other, we don't exist anymore.

Fake Smile :(

Have you ever been betrayed?

Have you ever had the feeling?
It knocks so hard and it stabs the heart so bad
It makes one feel like a fool
A friend you made me feel
Comfortable I became around you
Until yesterday…. For many years now
You betrayed me and you don’t realize
It hurts and it breaks my heart
You didn’t have to
You should have came straight to me
You should have asked me directly
Then maybe, just maybe
I was going to tell you
You don’t have to pretend you’re my friend
You don’t have to pretend you care
You are not doing anyone any favour by doing so
Instead you are teaching me to be careful
Be careful of who I associate with
Be careful of who I share my deepest secrets with
I will be frank with you though
I wont pretend around you
I wont pretend I don’t see what’s going on
I will tell you like it is
I don’t need you, I don’t need your friendship and
I certainly don’t want you come hanging around my place



I am just disappointed & hurt but you don’t realize a platform of growth is what you create for me.
Don’t even smile back at me because that is just poison you keep splitting from your mouth
You make me angry-you make me hate- but I can never hate myself
I hate only you & your betrayal
I hate the thought that you fooled me into believing we were friends
Fooling me to believing you’re my friend when you know what you’re up to
You took something away from me and to find out like this makes me even crazy because as a friend I trusted you and you broke my heart
I never realized the kind of person you are- but now I know –God opened my blind eyes.
I hate the thought that I opened up so much to you
I appreciated your presence in my life
I felt that if the two of us can bond, then people would realize that they also don’t need to fear anything
I made a mission to walk up straight and forget about people’s judgment because we were going to do it together
You and I made a promise to each other to carry on like nothing is wrong and
You broke that promise
How could you?
I know that crying and mourning about it does not help but
I really hate what you are
You broke my heart
Why you did it is what I keep asking myself
And now you come to say that it was mistake.
How could you? After all these years of laughter and fun together.
Why do these things happen to me?
I learnt one new lesson today too!!

NEVER TRUST ANYBODY