"To Ashes"

*A late afternoon* 

What was she doing standing 3 inches at curve of the street and looking at cars as they drove passed her? She stood in cloths soaking wet, shivering. You can see her teeth chattering and her eyes crying, but yet a smile laid painted on her face…… I glanced over at her and maybe recognize her, but couldn't… 

The setting was beautiful. an orange, yellow, and red sun was setting, the serene outside, with a steady breeze. But her..?… 

Her scream ripped the scenery and filled the air, and drew a flock of birds flying away, like humans fleeing from a disaster... Did these birds understand and I yet was trying to figure out?

People began to gather and I grew aware something was wrong… I moved in toward the crowd… She took no notice in anyone that stood near her, but kept her face where no one can see it- hidden under the hooded jacket she wore… she didn't want anyone near her. My face kept a confused yet sad look... She stood motionly peaceful among these people, like nothing was going wrong. 

Whispers of people moved aimlessly through the crowd. No one seemed to notice me, I moved around the growing crowd. Feeling like a lifeless spirit crouching in and around these people. Whispers went to speaking, then just got louder.

She dropped down on her knees and put her hands over her ears. The crowd got quieter.

She reached into her pocket and took out a folded paper which she stared at then set aside.

As she turned around and her jaded eyes looked right into mine… It was like looking at a reflection in a mirror… She looked like me, and cried like me… I felt the pain she felt, and could see right through her. I then was aware... it WAS me, and my spirit drifting along this world before I had left…………

I took a last glance at what I was leaving behind…but nothing seemed meaningful anymore… In the crowd, confused faces stared, waiting on what I’d do next. Watching as entertainment filled them with joy. I knew I was melting inside, but still smiled… Then caught my attention, a man moving in aside him another man, through the crowd... I knew this guy... As I lifted my head slowly and looked right at him, he slowly hid behind the others. I looked away, and told myself I've forgotten that face, and was meant to leave it like that.... I looked down, slowly dropping on the floor. Took a deep breath. I soaked in gasoline and shivered in the cooling breeze. Reached into my pocket- It felt like all of life's walls were caving in on me... I have lost…- smiled...and lit myself to flames……….

The folded paper, read…

"Watch my ashes fly away… I've made things easier for you when I die."

**I keep holding on to you, but I can't bring you back to life… Sing the anthem of the angels, and say the last good-bye**

*It's all an act. Smile. Live. Die inside. Go to bed. And again the next day.*