"To Ashes"

*A late afternoon* 

What was she doing standing 3 inches at curve of the street and looking at cars as they drove passed her? She stood in cloths soaking wet, shivering. You can see her teeth chattering and her eyes crying, but yet a smile laid painted on her face…… I glanced over at her and maybe recognize her, but couldn't… 

The setting was beautiful. an orange, yellow, and red sun was setting, the serene outside, with a steady breeze. But her..?… 

Her scream ripped the scenery and filled the air, and drew a flock of birds flying away, like humans fleeing from a disaster... Did these birds understand and I yet was trying to figure out?

People began to gather and I grew aware something was wrong… I moved in toward the crowd… She took no notice in anyone that stood near her, but kept her face where no one can see it- hidden under the hooded jacket she wore… she didn't want anyone near her. My face kept a confused yet sad look... She stood motionly peaceful among these people, like nothing was going wrong. 

Whispers of people moved aimlessly through the crowd. No one seemed to notice me, I moved around the growing crowd. Feeling like a lifeless spirit crouching in and around these people. Whispers went to speaking, then just got louder.

She dropped down on her knees and put her hands over her ears. The crowd got quieter.

She reached into her pocket and took out a folded paper which she stared at then set aside.

As she turned around and her jaded eyes looked right into mine… It was like looking at a reflection in a mirror… She looked like me, and cried like me… I felt the pain she felt, and could see right through her. I then was aware... it WAS me, and my spirit drifting along this world before I had left…………

I took a last glance at what I was leaving behind…but nothing seemed meaningful anymore… In the crowd, confused faces stared, waiting on what I’d do next. Watching as entertainment filled them with joy. I knew I was melting inside, but still smiled… Then caught my attention, a man moving in aside him another man, through the crowd... I knew this guy... As I lifted my head slowly and looked right at him, he slowly hid behind the others. I looked away, and told myself I've forgotten that face, and was meant to leave it like that.... I looked down, slowly dropping on the floor. Took a deep breath. I soaked in gasoline and shivered in the cooling breeze. Reached into my pocket- It felt like all of life's walls were caving in on me... I have lost…- smiled...and lit myself to flames……….

The folded paper, read…

"Watch my ashes fly away… I've made things easier for you when I die."

**I keep holding on to you, but I can't bring you back to life… Sing the anthem of the angels, and say the last good-bye**

*It's all an act. Smile. Live. Die inside. Go to bed. And again the next day.*

The Voice

She woke up in a white room, on a white bed. Artificial light swallowing her up from the fluorescent lights above. Blinking a few times, she sits up, her pale skinned arms holding the bed on each side of her. And then, she hears him, and remembers where she is and why.
"Good morning, sleepy head. Did you have a nice sleep?"
"Go away."
"Come on now, Neha. We go through this every day. Haven't you learned already?"
He laughs. That sick, evil laugh echoes through her head. She hates it, hates him. Wants him to leave her alone but he won't. The pills.. They don't work. The doctor and nurses say they will but she knows for a fact that he'll never disappear. They don't hear him, so how could they know!
"Leave me alone. Please!"
She falls off the bed, and crawls to the corner of the room. The room is completely lit, it's not possible for any shadows to be there because of this right? Then why.. why is there a shadow standing right in front of her, with a big disgusting grin on it's face?
"Let's play a game, little Neha."
"No.. I don't want to play with you. I just want you to go away."
"Tsk tsk. You know I can't do that. I was born for you, so how could I ever leave you?"
Holding her hands over her ears, she shuts her eyes tightly. But she can still hear him. Hear the malice dripping off his every word.
"I won't leave you Neha. And you can never escape me."
She lets out a scream and runs to the door. It opens with ease. She notices that no one has even come to see what the scream was about. Even as she's running down the corridor, panting and crying, no one is giving the littlest glance.
"And I thought you said you didn't want to play."
"No. Don't follow me, leave me alone!"
She finds a door that leads to the stairs. Quickly opening it, she runs down stairs and stairs until she reaches a door with a sign on it saying, 'Ground Floor'.
"Someone, help me please!"
She stands in the middle of the lobby, trying to catch her breath. There are many people around, doctors, nurses, patients, and even visitors. No one looks at her.
"Why.. why won't they look at me? Are they ignoring me?"
"Ahah, silly babe. They aren't ignoring you. They simply can't see nor hear you."
"W-What do you mean?"
"You are as I am. Nonexistent to the outside world."
Her body starts to shake, and without a warning, she hits the floor screaming. Blood starts to gush from her wrists and throat. No... it isn't blood. It's thick and black... and smells of death.
"Wha- What's happening to me?!"
"You are dead. Don't you remember? I kept telling you, you can't escape from me. Even death cannot save you from what's a part of you. And I, Arun, live in your conscious, and have always been a part of you."
"Wha-"
Before her eyes, it's like a movie playing. She sees herself, in her little white room, nothing but a window and mirror on the walls. She can hear herself talking, can hear him as well.
"If you won't leave me alone, I'll make you!"
"Now now, that won't do at all. I'll follow you, Neha. I will follow you anywhere and everywhere. No matter how hard you wish for me to go away, no matter how many pills you swallow, I'll always be here."
She watches the memory where she breaks the mirror. As the glass slides across her wrists deeply, and then finally across her own throat. She shudders as his wicked laugh echos through the empty room. The life flows from her veins, and his shadowed body laps the blood from her neck.
"You'll never be rid of me, Neha. Never."

Then in a flash, it's all gone. Her eyes open and she's in her bed again, not a single recollection of what happened just seconds ago. She sits up in her bed, both hands on either side of her...
"Good morning, sleepy head. Did you have a nice sleep?"
Another day of an endless hell begins, a never ending loop of death. A punishment for taking the life God gave her, or maybe just a way for the voice to prove that she can never rid herself of him.

Ending life

Its hard to get away from life, easier to end life rather than face the agony, pain, sorrow or shame. Yes, all of us have to go through pain or sorrow @ some point of our life even the TATAs and BIRLAs have to face it. These are just a mile stone for us to grow using this. All failures are stepping stones to success. Someone, somewhere, knew that life isn’t about dying!!

I got a call from an old friend today!! She was crying when I picked up the call. I asked her what was the problem? She said that the guy she loved for more than 3 years has rejected her and married a rich girl. She was ashamed to face her parents since she was stubborn about marrying him all these years. She has been crying for the past one month, not going to office regularly or eating properly. All she could think about was DYING. She told me that she wanted to talk to me about this before she died. Little did she realize that I could get her out of it by the time the call was over. I thanked god for once for giving me the power of convincing her. It took me about 3 hours of talking. It was unbelievable how Love can change us. She was scared about the relationship which she had with him. They were intimate and sexually involved. I had to tell her that this was the end of everything. She was scared about her future and what would the husband think about her.. Obviously, all these thoughts clouded her like hell. Pavam. I pity her.. She was such a sensible person. So responsible about what she wanted to do in life yet when it came to love, she chose the wrong guy. I had to convince her that life has to go on. I made her promise that she wouldn’t try anything stupid again. I hope it doesn’t occur in her minds again.
In India, more than 1,00,000 people die due to suicide in a year which is a very sad thing.  Love, family pressure, loneliness, health issues, failures, loss, exams et all are some of the reason for people to suicide. Sneha, this is an NGO which is a suicide prevention helpline. It helps people to get out of these feeling of ending life. If these depressed people talk about their situation, they have 70% chance of getting out of the emotion. I volunteered once and I got a girl from a girl who was in her first year of college and she was devastated because some A** Hole harassed her sexually while travelling to a nearby place. Since that area was quite and no one around, he took advantage of her. Thank god, she dint get raped but she was very upset about it and this was killing her. No one to talk to. She could tell it to anyone. I cried while talking to her, so I gave the call to one of the seniors who handled her call and convinced her not to do anything stupid. When I still think about it, I start to get tears from my eyes. Its so bad, don’t you think. You can also volunteer to help bring life to another human. I did and I got the sense of satisfaction that none other activity in my life would give.
You can contact them through the website Sneha, or call up the number 044-2460050. Help bring back life.They are open 24hrs a day.

Life in one picture!! ;)