Loniless is killing me ... :(

"To love and to be loved the basic necessity of every living creature... Why would I be different in it??"

Letting me go

Dad and Mama, I love you, I really do,
I can’t think of my world without you!

No more kiss good-night,
No more dad to hold me tight.
No more hugs to calm my fears,
No more hands to wipe my tears!
No more tucking in at night.

But I know I will see you once again
And then you will hold me tight,
When we are together again.

l want to be selfish and share
But what I want just isn’t fair.
Dad, I am living of dull life
Without you here by my side,

Mama, as long as I live
Not a moment will go by
When I don’t wish you were with me.

Daddy I love you, I really do,
Mama I love you, I really do,
Daddy I know you have to leave me
But I told you I don't want to go,
Why did you let me be alone,
Let me go.

I show no fear in my eyes and face
But I am scared without you besides me,

I don't want to cry when I'm talking to you,
But I cry when I'm alone.
Dad and Mama,

Just remember I will always love you.

Déjà vu

Today I had this small moment where I felt that little moments have special meaning. I was walking towards the shop nearby my place when I saw a small girl not more than 6 or 7 was walking along with her little sister. I guess they were just shopping like me. This reminded me of how I used to walk with my youngest sister everyday from school.

  Once, in school, I had project day wherein all our projects are displayed while we explain our own. My parents were not able to attend that particular day but we were supposed to get my driver to pick us up from school. We lived only a few streets away from school yet we had a main road to cross so they wouldn’t let us go alone. I was dressed up as “ Sarojini Naidu. I was in the 5th standard. :))) I was wearing a saree. So the day got over as fast as it could. Everyone loved my recitation about Sarojini Naidu. So I went down to get my youngest sister from her class Pre-KG. I was waiting along with her for our car. What I learnt from the watchman was that the driver had gone with my other sister and had asked me to wait there with Gayu, my youngest sister. It was almost for 20 minutes, I waited along with her. My sister was almost in tears because she was hungry. I gave her some water yet she was looking so troubled. So I took my chances, took the saree off me because I couldn’t walk with it. Of course I had my shorts and t-shirt under it. So I took hold of my sister’s hand and crossed the road on my own gripping that little thing’s hand to hard and walked home.

When I got home, my sister was too scared that she hugged me till mom came. Which was so sweet and I felt proud being the eldest. Obviously, the driver didn’t see us walking so he had waited and searched for us. Came back home to find us in our neighbour’s house. I was in trouble to take such a risk but I had to because my sister was almost crying. And it was worth it because of the hug from her which was priceless. :)) Now, time has changed. She has grown bigger and taller than me. She has her own teen issues to deal with and all the sisterly fights we have. She has fought with me and we aren’t talking to each other for about 5 months now yet I see her everyday. I miss that hugging sister who was looking at me as if that her life depended on me. After all, I am her BIG sister. I miss her.. My mom would always keep reminding about this incident whenever she had a chance. One moment which is so close to my heart. I wouldn’t let go off her hand ever..:)) Some things can never be replaced.

PS: That’s her.. GAYATHREE… My youngest sister.

Money

 

Money? What is it, a simple piece of paper that determines who you are in life. I guess we are all fooled because it only brings stress and misery to our life. Many assume that money can buy happiness but have you really thought about it. Can money really put a price on our smiles and laughs? If you answer yes than ,you tell me the price of your smile? I will tell you mine, mine, is priceless because money is nothing to me. Give me tons and tons of money also I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now. Some may criticize by saying that, my parents provide me with whatever I have. I strongly believe that my parents do it for the love of it. Yes, The love of having me as their child. I never pampered. Never. I have my priorities too!!

Money has become something that is needed everywhere. It steals your ability to think and to make sense of things. It helps you forget about your troubles but soon brings many more. People have gone to many extremes to get it and many have not been successful. So tell me what have you done? Have you stolen money from your mothers purse? Your friends? Have you done things that you regretted later in life? I hope that you haven't but personally I haven't but trust me I have thought about it. Its very tempting and its very difficult to prevent yourself from doing it. Our society shows us that money is everything and without it you are a nobody. It brings pressure to our life and causes many difficulties. What you have is no longer good enough, you need more much much more. Your morals are tested and you fail at it. Tell me can we really blame ourselves?

It has taken me a long time or a short time (depends on how you look at it) to accept that I'm never going to be wealthy or rich in life. Its not because I don't think that I'm going to be successful but its because I now know that its either money or my happiness. And can you guess what I picked? I want to be able to see life and not regret who I am. To look at my life and see that its not about what I'm wearing or what kind of car I'm driving , its about who i am on the inside and the type of person i am. Its about people being able to trust me and about the person I present myself as. I think that everybody should look past money and see the person as who they are because in the end we are all going to end up in the same place, a grave. WE LIVE IN A MATERIALISTIC WORLD…

Its okay, I know money withdrawal is worse than being sober. It takes time and determination. You have to be able to want your freedom. You have to be able to accept the way life is. I know money is necessary to survive but if you have too much of it, trust me, you wont survive with it. The richest guy Bill Gates has a private pool around his bedroom with a couple of dolphins in it. The doctor has asked to do this because he felt that he wasn’t too happy in life. You think that he would be happy only if he watched the dolphins swim or play with him. Keep doing what your doing earn your living but don't get side tracked. Remember who you are making that money for whether its your wife , husband, kids, friends or for yourself , remember that it cant put a price on your happiness.

The cry

This is something from me to contribute to the on-going climate changes in the world. I think that the fututre generation deserves a better planet to live in... I want my grandchildren to have clearer air and fresh water.. This is dedicated to mother Earth and us, the living being.... Every living being..

Everybody, hear this cry,
It’s Mother Earth’s turn to die.
All you’re doing, and all you’ve done,
You’re all killing her,
One by one.

Green trees
Lush grass
Oceans clear
Blue skies
Animals aplenty
Loving life

Waging war
Atomic bombs
Red skies
Maimed animals
Incinerated forests
Nuclear warfare
God help us....

Love you eternally

This is a poem my friend Kalai wrote for her husband Prem after two years of happy marriage. They are one of the most naughtiest couple I’ve seen and made for each other.  You should read what Prem gave, you will be so mesmerized. I am so jealous about their compatibility. This post is dedicated to Prem from Kalai.. but I give it to both of them. Happy Anniversary guys. Wish you be like this forever.

Like the sea meets the Ocean.
The sky meets the Earth,
I wonder, if it were not you,
Would living life be worth??

You gave my life a meaning,
You taught me love again,
Every night I am dreaming,
Wondering how all this began?

I yearn for you my darling!!
Waiting to be with you.
Let our life unfurl at every turning,
Our love which is very true and new!

We will show the world what togetherness is,
In Husband-wife there is no hers or his,
You and I will always be OURS,
Let pass by months, days or hours.

I love you for everything,
I love you for mentioning
"Kalai, I have never felt like this before"
I will love for ever Kanna,
This is what your Kalai will assure.

Two Things....

Very important two things I miss now a days...

1. My sister who left for higher education and I'm unable to get out of the thoughts how she cries every time we talk to her... She is so innocent, all these days wrapped in the arms of my father and suddenly let out free to live on her own. It will take her quiet some time to settle down.

2. My blog- I hardly blog these.. I read all the other posts of my fellow blogger but just unable to write what I have in my mind. I have so many things to talk about yet I am unable to get words. Maybe its because of reason 1 or may be??  Then I thought, was I being lazy?? I am never lazy when it comes to blogging.. This is something that I do whole heartedly and love every second of it.. So it must be reason 1. So gimme sometime.. I'm yet to figure out to put words on the posts. I'll make sure to come out with a bang

55 fiction

My first 55 fiction. Inspired by many bloggers. I hope you can understand it.

Dying proposition

"You are not dying", said the young doctor, but I knew that something was wrong.
All I wanted to do now was lie on bed along with my grand son and tell him my love story,
The one which paved way for his life too!!"

Happiness

Am I happy or sad today? If there is any sadness I make a strong effort to be free of it quickly, otherwise it grows like a vine in the rainy season: by midday I will be confused; by evening a whole jungle of weak, wasteful and negative attitudes will have taken deep roots in my mind. The result equals Chaos.

Sometimes I reach a stage where the attitude is: “ So what if I feel the blues today? It is my life; i can feel how I want to feel; no one else will be affected”. But this is not the case, when you are looking at life. Like for example: In my life, if I become sad for just a day, you will my whole family will not be happy. Its not because that they love me that much but I also feel that I’m that positive energy in the family which keeps them quite cheerful. I get up in the morning, smile @ my dad, get scolding from my mom for getting up late(with a smile, of course) and then fight with my sister for the bathroom which we share and of course rushing to college everyday. These activities in a day do not go without a smile in my face. Not only @ home, you will see that I have the loudest laugher in class. Everybody will look back to my place when we share a joke at college. Sometimes, when I’m stressed out or have any issues in my personal life. I will have people coming and asking me why I’m not laughing today. People I don’t even talk to everyday.

Firstly the more I allow myself to experience sorrow, the less time I have available to be happy and contented. It sounds ridiculously obvious, but am I aware of the value of happiness. It is an extremely rare commodity, and the cost goes sky high. Don’t you agree with me???

Secondly, is it my life? Yes. I am living it, but am I not a member of a family or a fellow student with others, and am I not part of society? If so, then every movement affects and is affected by those around me. We cannot be selfish all the time, can we??

Ps: This was to have thought provoking post!! Any thing wrong or you like it, please let me know.

"Hey sexy lady"

You guys must all be wondering what I'm going to say in this post. Its nothing to do about sex or may be. If you had watched Sun Tv for the past one month you have noticed that this song " Hey Sexy Lady" Promo of the movie Ninaithale Inikkum. Since Sun TV was promoting their own "MOVIE" in their own "CHANNELS", you would have seen it like a 100 times a day. Same thing happens in Sun music, K TV and also Chutti TV. So literally all of us were only seeing this a dozen time at an hours time on the TV. We, at home, all the tamil channels together so that we can keep changing it for convince sake.

Last week, my cousin POOJA visited me. She came home because her mom had come to help my sister pack for her trip abroad. So it was my duty to keep Pooja out of site so that they will be able to do their work peacefully. ( Pooja can be a pain-in-the-b*tt sometimes). Since I gel with her very well, I was given this responsibility. She was playing some Dora games in my laptop and suddenly she started singing the song " Hey Sexy lady". I was shocked and terrified. I mean, it dint affect me when I was watching this song all the while on TV or when I could see Prithiviraj dancing with some item girl. It was such a shock when I heard my 5yrs old cousin sing it. I told her immediately where did she hear it( such a obvious question, of course). She coolly replied on Sun TV and also said that she loved song. And she said, " Akka, en class la ellarukum Prithiviraj na romba pudikum." Meaning that her classmates like the actor Prithiviraj very much.

Excuse me!!! :( Have I got something wrong here. A bunch of 5 year olds talking about Prithiviraj. This certainly put me off the whole day. I cannot image even seeing such kind of stuff when I was that young. I remember asking my friend in my 7th standard about Crush. So much of exposure these kids have these days. Actually this was just the beginning. Since I had a mild attack, I switched off the TV (literally pulled out the plug)and laptop and took her out in the evening to have a nice and fresh walk. Since we had a park nearby and we would also have a lot of small kids visiting the park. I thought it would be a great place for her to play and have some fun.

The park was pretty crowded because it was a Saturday. My place is nearby the boat club road in Chennai wherein most of the people are likely to be more well off. And most of the kids were from these places. So I let her to have her own time, while I sat on the bench watching her from a distance. She was playing for the while, when suddenly she stopped and looked at a kid who was dress all glittery and fancy. That glittery girl, for that age, was looking like a real glam doll. She was pretty, cute and very shy. So Pooja went near her and was talking something. I really couldn't hear it so I went little close to eavesdrop on my 5 yr old cousin. She was asking where she had got the dress, those silver coloured sandals and also those lovely barbie girl earring, this girl was wearing. Knowing my cousin, I asked her to stop worrying about all the that and asked to continue playing. She would leave that shy girl who kept running around trying to avoid Pooja from following her. I thought enough was enough and threatened Pooja to take her back home, if she dint stop annoying the poor girl.

My Drama-queen cousin started to cry and I had to give up and let her play for some more time until it got dark. Then took her back home, by that time all the packing work was done. The thing why I was talking about this incident is because I think its not ethical to have those poor kids know about all these stuff only when they are just old enough to eat food by themselves. Of course, they will have their time to get to know all that they are so eager to know until them I hope they stay clean. Clear instruction are given to my aunt not to let her watch TV for more than 1 hour a day and that too only Chutti TV or Pogo or Cartoon network.

You're beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,(Real version)
Flying high,(clean version)
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

PS: Song reminds me of the love of a man which is very rare these days.

A Trip To Thiruvannamalai

In the month of august, the family plans a trip to Thiruvannamalai. It is a temple for Lord Shiva and known as Annamalaiyar there. To know more about it, please visit Thiruvannamalai. This is one of the famous temples in south India and also you will find a very peaceful Ramana Ashram here.

This trip happens every year and this is my 10th year consecutively. Every year on August 27th being my dad's birthday we celebrate it with a special Pooja and Ana Dhanam. This year being special because he was turning 50. I really cannot thing of my dad that old because he never looks like one. He still looks like the person who took me to walks early in the morning or wake me up for school or college( he still does it, though). So for word sake, he has turned 50 and will be living another 50 more years with all of us. So this special pooja is a sort of ceremony which happens if you guys pay that extra money. Actually, as a family we hardly go out and this is one of the trip we make every year. It about 4 hours travel up and down. During the travel, I mostly sleep or read a books or listen to songs on the mobile phone. This time I preferred to sleep because we had to get up early in the morning to travel. I usually get to sleep on my mom's lap. This is one the best thing that keeps happening to me, every year during this trip because we usually don't have that time to do this kinda stuff and I love to sleep on my mom's lap. But this year, it was different. I got to sleep on my dad's lap. Its been like more than 10 years since I've done that. Ah... it was bliss. My dad was stroking my hair while I was pretending to sleep. I dint sleep the whole time. I was just so happy that I had a smile the whole way. Something told me that this would not happen very often. Just imagine a 23 year old on the lap of the 50 year old father.. Its a beautiful feel being with my dad.. I also love to lie on my dad's shoulder!! Being with your mom is a different feeling whereas with your dad is something good. So I was feeling so wonderful. And still happy about it!!! :P

Dad, you've been there!!

Dad, you've been there
When I cried half the night.
You've been there for me
when others didn't treat me right.

Dad, you've been there
and made me laugh.
You taught me to always
choose the right path.

Dad, you've been there
and believed I could do anything,
taught me how to never give up
and told me never say never.

Dad, you've been there for me
through school and all.
You picked me up
when I was about to fall

My love for you will never end
I'm happy to say, "You're like a friend."

I love you, daddy
no matter what I say.
I'll always love you
each and every day.

A special note to my dad for always being there for me and the best friend, I've ever had. I know I keep writing about my dad but that much he means to me and no one else does. I love him more than I love myself. Its just a special thanks to that special dad in my life!!!

Father of the bride

I've watched the movie, Father of the bride atleast a thousand times and still want to watch it again. I see so much of emotions and feelings in the movie. I am not very sensitive but after all I'm human and I am emotional at some point of my life. Well, this is one of the moment when I cried. I just cannot accept the fact that the girl has to leave home just because she is married to someone. I can never even think about leaving my dad. I let go off my offer to study abroad when I had the opportunity just because I wont be able to see my dad for another two years and probably don't want to get out of Chennai for not more than 10 days. I cannot survive without seeing or talking to him atleast once a day. Whenever class is boring guess what do I do? I call up my dad to say, " class is boring pa. I should have never taken up MBA." All he does is smile. Well, that my boost. Appa has been my confidence all the time. He never gives up on me because he knows that I'm capable of everything. I would give up the world just to be with him. He doesn't talk much unlike me(I'm like my mom) but whenever he talks, it always makes sense.

Coming back to the subject about not leaving my dad even after my marriage. I would never want that to happen. Or if i had to, then I wouldn't live in any far away land except chennai. I would settle down here with my family. I know this is selfish but I just don't care. I mean its unfair. Movies like abhiyum naanum and father of the bride affect me and my feelings too. So would it to do all the girls who are very close to their fathers. Fathers rule and I would like to dedicate this to my dad and all the other dads who love their kids

Funny People!

Like every Sunday, today I was taken to see my grandmother..
She is a very sweet mother and grandma. Being a mother's day, she was given a chance to ask everybody any question she likes. First was my mom and after 6 people, I was the last person to be asked.

Here is the typical situation between us:
Grandma: Raji, when are you going to get married?
Raji(me): I have just not found the right girl(kewl)
You should have seen the look at her face, not a million dollar is worth it.
It was definitely a cultural shock to her but every other person at home was laughing their lungs out including my dad. LOL. It was a funny weekend not for my grandma...he he he :)

PS:I'm straight

Happy Mother's day,Ma.

The greatest love is when a mother brings you in the world, and say I love you.
The first time she lay her eyes upon you and cuddles the bare soul of you
I ask you how do you return such love that has been bestoyed to you but to return love back and say I love you too.

Dear Mother,
Thank you for being there when I felt alone
Thank you for being there when I moan
For all thanks I can say
I just wanted to wish you a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Mind your own business..I don't care a damn about you!!!

In life when people are disappointed and depressed, some people just want to make things worse. I have my life to live and I have lot of people to care and walk with me. I just want the others who think I'm nothing... Thank you people... You make me want to live more and laugh more... Your criticism make me want to prove to you that I'm happy and always will be.. I don't give a damn about money. Here I would like to quote a famous saying by Mr. Vadivelu. "Hey money come today and go tomorrow ya" LOL.. Jokes apart, if you have money, have it. I don't think money can buy you everthing in life except monetary benefit and physical things. It can never buy you love, care and happiness.. I' m happy with what I have and what I am.. I live my life the way I want to live... So Mind your own business and get the hell of out of my life and dont ruin my life with what I'm left with....

ALONE FOREVER:(

My feelings make me alone
Alone forever

My friends dont know my feelings
My family dont know my feelings
I'm alone
I can be in a crowd yet alone
I walk alone
I talk alone
I live alone

My feelings are what separate me
My feelings make me alone

I wish to be whole
I try to bring myself together
I become strong in the process but I'll still be
alone forever.

Happy birthday Chottu!!!!

Today, its my chottu's birthday!!! He is a real cutie pie and also accepted me as one of his girlfriends. My boyfriend is just 3 years old and I love him very much. This post is dedicated to my darling neighbour chottu who is crazy about me... Love you chottu. Eventhough he cannot read, he knows that I do. Tomorrow morning,he'l be the first one to wake me up and say, " hey raji, today is my happy birthday. Where is my chocolate and gift??? Raji I want Dora and bujji." LOL I Love him...He is afterall my boyfriend...

Thank you, Sisters

I consider myself very lucky
To have sisters;
Sisters, who loves me for what I am,
Not for what others see me as,
Or for what I ought to be.
They loves me truly the way I am.
We've fought and patched up.
We've shared secrets of happiness and sadness
We've laughed until we cried,
And then we dried each other's tears.
I look up to them (because they are taller than me)
We don't laugh at each other's mistakes,
But help each other to correct them.
They prevent me from losing my temper,
I prevent them from losing their sense of judgments.
I know none of us are perfect,
But together, we help each other to become so.
Thank you, sisters
For always being there for me.

Ishu and Gayu, I love you both very much.

And will never leave you both again.