MISTAKES.....

I believed
When I shouldn't have
I loved you
When I never could have

You learned your lesson,
I learned mine
You should never love me
And I should never trust you

We both messed up
We both made mistakes
You made yours, I made mine
Now I wish I could rewind time

Take me back to before all this
Take me away from all the pain
Pull me away from our last kiss
And take me away from your sweet smile

Take away all your lies
I always thought you meant everything
Take away all these cries
And take away our final goodbyes

Yes, it could have been
Yes, we could have lasted
Forever was a possibly
But we both know how this turned out

You were my hero
I was your nothing
You gave me sorrow
That will forever last

Go move on
Go be happy
Leave me torn
Leave me sore

Flee from me
And I'll flee from you
Don't ever regret
What you're about to do

I still love you
With all my heart
Every day and every night,
All of this, right from the start.

Loniless is killing me ... :(

"To love and to be loved the basic necessity of every living creature... Why would I be different in it??"

Lost you forever…

Being with you was like having every single one of my wish come true....

But now I HAVE LOST YOU....!

I know our roads will never cross again & i will never get to see you in my life...

Because......, I HAVE LOST YOU...!

I still miss you every second of my life.

Dream about you all day long....

But i don't LOVE YOU anymore.

Whenever i think about you...,The chill hits every part of my body.

I left you behind in my Past....But "MEMORIES" of you are still haunting me very badly...

I don't even want to try to get you back in my life,

Because i know I HAVE LOST YOU FOREVER...!

I always wanted to hold your hand when i walked on the street.

I always wanted & wished to look into your eyes when i wanted to feel nice.

But today i am all ALONE....and now i don't have any expectations to get you back in my LIFE.

Because I HAVE LOST YOU...!

I still remember the day you came into my LIFE and turned my life into a "PARADISE".

I came to know WHAT LOVE IS? Because of YOU.

The time we shared was a treasure to me.

I always wanted you to feel exactly what i feel for you.

But somewhere i failed to do so.

THE day i met you gave me the reason to smile.

I never felt alone because i know you were always with me...

But you walked away....

Without even knowing HOW WILL I FEEL ???

Without even knowing HOW MUCH I LONG TO BE WITH YOU ???

Without even knowing HOW WILL I LEAD MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU ???

Without even knowing HOW MUCH I NEED YOU ???

Without even knowing "HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU"

Was that LOVE.... I see in your eyes???

Or it was merely a reflection of mine.

When i needed you the most,you left me.

When i needed a shoulder to cry on,you were not there.

When i think, I just think of you.

The Love of yours has touched me "ONE TIME" & will last for "LIFETIME".

I have still kept the memories of are "LOVE" alive.

I desire nothing more than to be with you forever until i die.

But now I HAVE LOST YOU...!!!

I let you go..Because I have realized that......,

YOU WERE NEVER MINE & YOU WILL NEVER BE.

YOU know WHY??????

Because.......

SOMEONE IN SOME CORNER OF THIS WORLD MIGHT BE WAITING FOR 

**ME & MY LOVE**

Realising the value of friendship

During these days, I get into a lot of trouble in college. Yes. The thing is I do things impulsively which results in something else which was not meant to happen. I'm getting back to be very naughty. I usually tease and get teased... A Lot. Basically, I do it for the fun of it but I make sure that nothing serious happens or I don't go beyond my limits. I know the feeling of other people and try my level best not to hurt them. Not all of us are alike. We are a unique piece of art created by god for some purpose in life. So many difference, yet, we are all here for doing something. Having a meaning for every minute of our life.

Same goes to friends and our other relationship with people. Life isn't always having the good people. Life is all about being what we are and how we manage ourselves. Like I always say, " WE LEARN FROM MISTAKES." I'm not saying that I'm a good person neither a bad person. Qualities I think good, may not be the same for others. These are not the common qualities. I'm talking about qualities like friendship, understanding, etc. What am I trying to convey through all these things?? ( i really dono at the moment.. but lets hope I get what I'm trying to say)

Today, like I was saying, I was teasing an OLD friend of mine which was not a good thing. She got angry and pissed off. I try to handle things on my own without other people involving themselves into the case unlike she did the opposite. She involved her so-called BF into the issue and this became a big issue as the guy came and talked to me about it. He is also a very good friends of mine and I said I did it for the sake of fun . It hurt her that badly, I'm ready to apologize and accept my mistake, but she cried out loud and made a big scene. I got very angry(I hate myself angry) and teased her more which was not suppose to happen but I did it. So I left college abruptly without any solution. So I was not quite happy with what I did and called up the BF to apologize about and I realize that something he told me over the conversation was very important for life as friendship. He said that even if a friend was committing a crime against you, you would have to forgive him/her and get back to what you were before the "so- called- fight." Of course, I dint accept it in the first place. I argued with him about it for quite sometimes and things he told really made sense. There are only a few minor differences between Love and Friendship and fights like these just should not ruin the friendship because like he said, we never expect anything from a friendship just unlimited love and joy. Thats why we have friends, isn't it?? Give me your comments and suggestions on this one.

Updates! Updates!! Updates!!!

1.Watched the latest Kamal Hassan's Movie UPO (unnai pol oru van). The movie about a not-so-common man. I don't think terrorism can be eradicated by terrorism. I mean I cannot even imagine my dad( definitely a common man) thinking about violence. May be big shots common men like Kamal can...:)

2. Life can be tooooo boring if you have 72 subjects to study. So am I bored? Yes. I'm totally exhausted. I need a little break to come back with a big bang for the upcoming placements.

3. Friends?? Okay that's definitely a big question mark(?). Really cannot realize whether I will ever get a good friend. I miss all my friends- good or bad. Just unbelievable for a people- person like me.

4. Blog. Due to the facts mentioned in the above list, my imagination is stuck. I really cannot get anything in my mind except sadness which is really too boring for me. I need positive energy to get on with anything.

5. Presentation- I have this BIG presentation coming up for my Mergers and Acquisition class which is going to be huge for me because I've worked my heart and soul into it!! I just wanna give my best. I realized that these presentations give me the best of confidence that I've had in my life till now.

6. GOTA- Global Opportunities to Threat and Analysis. It is a program to give us global exposure on the global companies and their strategies. Basically and frankly, its foreign trip which is paid for along with the tution fees that we pay for this MBA program. They are yet to take us to this trip which has taken the longest time ever and we had a long talk(fight) with our Dean about it.

7.Mission Separation- My class has got a new pair of love birds who are totally not so perfect for each other. Since I belong to the group which is trying to separate them even though I don't give a damn about them, I'm getting squeezed between them. (God, please help me, I hate this business).

8. College- Being in the final trimester in which we will be having classes, I am going to miss each one of them. So planning to do something special for all my classmates. Hoping that it will come out well.

9. Anger- I hardly get angry but off late, I cannot control them. Even though, it wasn't my fault on this particular issue, I shouldn't have scolded my friend so badly. Sorry, Vijay. Peace !!

10. I miss my sister since she has left for UK for her higher Education. I wish she is okay there.

Broken heart

It's been a long time now
Since you broke my heart
Thought i could easily get over it
Knowing what I did was just right
But here i am
Still holding back the
Feelings i still have
I can't let you go no matter what...
I still can't mend my broken heart!

Akila's birthday

Today a friend of mine whom I don’t talk much these days  celebrated her birthday and she is 24 today. I want to first wish her. Akila, Happy birthday de. You are one of the few girl friends I had and I really liked you genuinely. So take care and wish you get all that you needed and stay happy. Thanks for everything. I really miss you very much and I wouldn’t also forget you for things you have done to separate each one of us who meant so  much to me. There is a negative side to everybody and remember you are not perfect. Whatever happens, I never want you to be sad and take care of my friends who still believe you are perfect.  I never meant to ignore you but still my guilt feeling kicks me at the spot saying that I should have wished you today. I know its never too late but I think you were not worth it. Take care. All the best for your life.

Manasellam

This song is  dedicated to my friends whom I'm missing so much @ this second, minute and will miss forever. Especially to my friends in IIPM who were an important part of my life. Please come back to me guys. I cannot see us separated. Take to me back please. I love you all very much. So much of hatred has affected me personally. I'm getting to sad, angry and depressed. Negative feelings are surrounding me and its gives me a headache. Please for heavens sake, just four to six months of college and then we won't even have time to see or talk to each other but you will always stay in my heart.

Lost a good friend forever.....

I've lost that close friend again with whom I can never get back. I cannot face him anymore but I still miss him. He was a true friend, the one whom you can never find these days. I lost him for reasons which can never be explained. All I wanted was him to be happy.. I did stupid things for that. I hate myself for saying or doing those things. My friend cannot be replaced. All that left of me is the remains of our happy memories together. We can never have those things anymore. Life is too painful but I'm learning to TAKE LIFE AS IT COMES. Its worth crying for some reasons and he is one of them. I've learned to learn from my mistakes. Here I'm trying to learn again. Please god, don't give me anymore people who will leave after everything gets uptight and personal. Its his life and his decision but my tears. Lost him and its forever....???

PS: I hope it not forever.

Empty Space

Living in an empty place
A place of boundless space
With an invisible corners of chaos
It's choking you to death

Living in an empty place
A place of a deafening silence
With the echos of your soul screaming
Impairing your hearing system

Making you feel the pain
Slowly it's tearing your life apart
And giving you unbearable numbness
Like a knife cutting out your heart

Living in an empty place
Why can't find a new way to start?
Too much space where to build a dream
Without someone you found nowhere to fit in

I miss you, Praveen...

The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say
To make me laugh again

And let the light back in
I miss my friend

I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those eyes
I miss your gentle voice
In lonely times like now
Sayin' it'll be alright
I miss my friend

I miss those times
I miss those days
I even miss our silly fights
The makin up, the talks
And those canteen walks
I miss my friend

I miss my friend
I miss my friend

Mood of the day !!

I miss you friend!!!

I  would like to share the on-going process of fight between two so- called best friends( atleast that's what I thought). I've not left with any close friends at this moment( Ram and Prasanna, excuse me!! You pple are still good friends to me but I just had so much of affection on him). I even consider him (Mr.P) as my closest friend.

Since college started, I've met up with a lota people but only a few have become that close to me by heart. Literally, to my heart. I just cannot bare the fact that he is ignoring me for the fact that i was just listening to a conversation which was happening between two people. I was already betrayed by my so- called best friends about a few months ago. I think I just dont have the fate to be with good people. One minute, there, I felt I was missing the best phase of my life. I'm seriously pissed off. I'm not myself. I don't smile, eat properly. Cannot even look at HIM these days. I miss you, P. Please talk to me. I feel that someone else have replaced me in the place with was so special for me in your heart. I don't want to come to college anymore or even look @ other people. All I want is to be with you. I don't want this issue to spilt us. I've already missed so many good people and dont want it to happen with you too. I begged you to talk back to me. Atleast tell me what do you expect of me..I've asked any friend this question. All I want to tell you is that everybody cannot be you.Please try to keep your differences away when it comes to friends.. Life can never be the same if we guys are not back together..

Please come back n taalk to me.. miss you very badly..understand me pa..

It Hurts...

It's hurt, when people say you are not who you are, It's hurt, when people are watching every step you made, It's hurt, when people are judging us too much, it's hurt, when everything around you is not right, it's hurt, when you didn't know who you are anymore, it's hurt, when people thought you can't get everything right, it's hurt. when you hated someone, it's hurt, when people are playing our heart too much. It's hurt, when you don't want it to happens, It's hurt, when all you want is peace and joy. but you can't get it...

Heyyyyyyyyy. Another HP movie??

I am a huge fan of Harry Potter.. I love the way she writes. She was one of those people who inspired me to write more and more. This book also brought my friend( bharani) and me together. This book gave us so much to talk about that we never got tired of it. We cried together for Dumbledore dying( which happens in the 6th book), then we had cried for Black's death and we talked about the way the ending in the seventh could have been modified or changed. We discussed about the creativity of this amazing author J.K Rowling and the potential she had. Ron being the funniest character was her favourite and mine too.. We loved Dumbledore and also wanted to study in a school like Hogwarts. It was that fantasy world which we would have loved to travel to.. She wanted to be a witch and we always wanted to believe that there was this world of witchcrafts and wizardry existing now. We thought that someday, we could meet Hagrid.. So many dreams and wishes we shared together.. We loved the little romance between Hermione and Ron and we hated Harry's relationship with Cho Chang. I was so relieved when we knew that Harry fell in love with Ginny @ last.I could still remember that when Harry had his first kiss with Cho, Ron asked him how he felt and then Harry would reply saying that it was wet. Bharani, like my blogger friend, RAJI was a big dreamer. Those days, our home phone bills would hit the sky which, of course, was also followed by scolding from both the parents.

" Your mother died to save you. If there is one thing Voldermort cannot understand, it is love"


One of the famous quotes given by Albus Dumbledore gave the both of so much of importance that we decided to have that quote in our bedroom doors forever. Something just cannot be substituted. So are my memories about Harry Potter and my friend Bharani. "Bharani, If you are out there, reading my blog.. Please get back with me. I want to see the forth coming Harry potter and the Half blood Prince with you. You are the best person who I would never like to miss in my life.. Love you Lots.. Missing you truly..
your friend forever
RAJI"

PS: Go watch the movie Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince on 17th July with your friends..

Class mates--Best song

Manasellam from Kulir 100

Life: A Roller Coaster....

Yesterday, you must have seen my post on betrayal by a long time friend... Things change and people move on. Sometimes when you think about it, it just makes you feel more miserable as if we don't have anything to worry about. Lets just take it up that they are not lucky enough to be our friends anymore. Like I said, things change so do people.

I have also learnt that betrayal can be forgiven and forgotten only that person accept the mistake. If not, well its their choice. Life has many twists and turns like a roller coaster. When you learn to enjoy it, its fun or if you want to make it a miserable ride, you end up puking :( . Today was just those days when you forget all your worries and have fun. If one door is closed, it means you will have a better door the next time. So does in my life. I always thought that friends are the best medicine. But when you have been betrayed by them, its just doesn't feel right. Okay may be some of the friends are bad. Not all of them. Here are a few friends who are making my life as gay as possible.

Today's Activity with some of the coolest friends ever has made me get back what I lost with other so-called friends. What did they do to make me feel sooooooo happy?

Took me on this surprise ride with my eyes closed where I was beaten as well as given ample happiness.
This surprise ride was organized by Praveen Chandar who found out that I wasn't happy for a few days now by just looking at me and watching my activities.

Co-organizer's: Prasanna Venkatesh, Nishanth, Raj murugan and of course, Akila (my only gf in college).
They kidnapped me to from class (half way through it) and took me to Mayajaal  to watch the movie Fast and Furious 4 and then we had lunch @ one of the most attractive places in Chennai which I've never been to all this time. It was so good right next to the beach and then we went boating in Mutukadu. We also went to the nearby beach and @ 6pm, they came to my house to have a mini-tiffin made by my mom. The best part of the day came when my mom loved them all and she also asked to come again ASAP to my place to have this kinda fun again. Thank you guys for making both, my mom and me, happy on the same day. My mom said that talking to these friends made her feel young at heart again. Nishanth has recently lost his mom and he just loved my mom and so does my mom. It was a happy day @ the whole.Loved it ! :)

A friend who betrayed me

My dearest and oldest friend,
you have put our friendship to an end.
It is you that I depended on,
what did I do that now you are gone?
In your bad times, I've helped you,
I thought my friendship grew.
I believed you, but you broke my trust.
For you, I'm mixed along with the dust.
When I really needed you to help me,
just to do a favor, you didn't agree.
For that, I've lost something great.
You have closed the friendship's gate.
When we meet each other, we ignore.
For each other, we don't exist anymore.

I'm Not What You See

People look at me and see a perfect little girl
But what they don't know is deep down inside
I'm troubled in this world
From my fears I hide
And I try to act strong
Like nothing bothers me
I act like nothing's wrong
So you can't see
That I'm not perfect
I struggle all the time
But I have come to the point
I'm tired of acting like I'm fine
I'm tired of acting fake
And I need to be more aware that this is not a dream
That I am awake
So to anyone I ever hurt for not being me
I'm sorry you finally know this
And I'm sorry I'm not everything you want me to be
But that is something I wish to be
Perfect